First my apologies for the long dramatic pause between posts; but you should realize that when I am happy I become preoccupied with life that things fall to the waste side. Plus I do remember comparing my blog to a dairy and that eventually the shiny newness will wear off, so there it is. Also I started this blog as a way to deal with my Mom's death . Ok onto tonight
It's 12:54am and it is officially Mother's day. I love nothing more than being a Mom. Yes I'm crazy and believe that I have the coolest kid, and yes I do. Dakota is just a chill little kid, smart, full of love and hysterical. Nothing is better then hearing "I love you Mom" or "you look beautiful Mom". So being his Mom is the best and I would never trade a moment of it, yes it is trying and doing it myself has been a challenge at times but it's rewarding in the same. I love that little man.
Now really onto tonight. This is my first mother's day without my Mom. Welcome to the holiday that has already proved to be hard and we're only in it one hour.
So.... Dear Mom,
My last memory of you is holding your hand while we said our good-byes and how it felt in mine. So much that I took a picture of it; I have to say it's one of my favorite pictures.
As a little girl I held your hand so many times but the last time I did will forever be with me, I really had no idea how much I would miss you. I miss your laugh, how I would have to bend down to hug you, I miss laying in your bed and telling you what's going on in my life and I just miss you.I've come to realize that although at times we had a rough relationship we also had a good one at the same time. I look at Marci and there's so much strength. You were right that I am a heart with feet I still tear up when I think of you and there's been too many to count moments that I wanted to talk to you and realize that I can't hear your voice anymore. There's alot that I miss no one answers the phone when they see my number and says 'poodles and pussies " while giggling the whole time. This Mother's day isn't the same without you, no one can replace you. There has been so much I want to tell you. I've had my ups and downs and there has been positives that I know you would love. I know in a way you're still holding my hand and watching over me and it comforts me.
So Happy Mother's day Mom. Thank you for making me who I am. Thank you for the times I had to struggle, for your advice even if I didn't want it, for being proud of me even though it embarrassed me when you would brag about me and thank you for always being a great Mom and for still holding my hand when I need you to.
I love you always and forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment