I have always found writing to be therapeutic, even though as a kid I never kept a journal for more than a few months. Just long enough for the shiny newness to wear off then I was over it. So let's hope this blog has a better success rate.
I decided to start this because I have been through alot in the last few months and almost want to just put it out there so that my thoughts won't keep me up at night and bore holes into my world like termites with a piece of wood.
So back story....
I grew up in Pennsylvania with a great family. The normal Mom and Dad who both worked to provide a home and good life. An older sister who I adore, and still do to this day. She's perfect, beautiful, smart and amazing.
Things changed when I was 17, parents divorced. My family changed, my Mom lost alot of her happiness. It was soon after my high school graduation that I moved out on my own. Well almost on my own there was a deadbeat boyfriend but what else is new. After some semi-wild years of trying to find myself, a few tattoos and some tears I took up my Mom on an offer to move to Virginia to "start over".
Virginia is where I made something out of myself. I found a better relationship with my Mom and I also had my son. The love of my life, I'll talk about my son in another post, but for now I'll say he's amazing.
So in VA I worked in healthcare as a technical assistant. Glorified nurses assistant. It wasn't until I was wheeling a critical patient to ICU with an Orthopedist where I found my calling. This patient was on my floor because he was post-op for an Incision and drainage of the ankle. We started the night off with him calling me "honey, sweetheart, and his wife". It didn't bother me, I just chalked it up to the Morphine drip. Hell I think I would be all lovey dovey too if I was on the stuff. Except I have zero tolerance for most meds soI never get to experience the heavy duty stuff out of fear of coma.
Any way, I was in his room around midnight for vitals. I popped in expecting to hear his pet names and there he was with no smart ass pet name. I walked over and said "hey, you forget about me". He responded with a "sweetstuff" and I finished my task and moved on. I did notice a little more blood on his dressing and his blood pressure was lower then earlier, so I told the nurse. Three hours later I had this nag like a kernel of popcorn in your tooth, to go check him. I walked in, no greeting this time and when I walked over and began talking he was all over the place "where am I, who are you, do I know you".
SHIT! I quickly took vitals and found exactly what I didn't want to see. His blood pressure was low and pulse was high. This is your body going to hell in a hand basket.This is the moment when you run for the nurse and pray he doesn't code. I ran to the nurse told her and she responded with "ok". She eventually came in reinforced his dressing and chalked up everything to the morphine. My response in my head " are you fucking kidding me?".
Here's the thing, there are really good nurses out there and then there are nurses that you just wonder how the hell they tie their shoes.
So I went back to his room, maybe I was tired and crazy. Nope he was disoriented that was for damn sure, oh and the dressing more blood. Again I went to his nurse told her again and still nothing.
I did something that I don't suggest I called the on call ortho and when he called back I gave it to the nurse.Yes, I put her on the spot and yes I went out of my "job description'". The ortho came to the floor not one of those " I 'll be there soon" no he seemed to drop out of the ceiling. I met him in the room, because obviously someone should stay with this man.
The ortho removed the dressing and was able to see a bleed in an artery and next we were loading him onto the elevator to go to ICU. I stayed with him for the ride down the elevator. The ortho asked me when his last meds were. " I don't know, I'm just the tech, I called because he wasn't responding and there was blood and he was acting different then earlier" I felt the need to confess everything.
He stared at me( and on a side note he was goodlooking so I wasn't sure what to do). He then smiled (ok he's not gonna scream) "you should be a nurse you just saved this patient".
Wow!
A few days later my patient came back up to the floor and as I walked in I heard "well there's my honey". I hugged him, I think I was more excited to see him.
So I applied and graduated from nursing school. This was also the year that I was pregnant with my son, yea I like complicated being pregnant and school it was fine, it made me determined to finish. But I don't suggest it. Second year with a newborn was rough but we got through.
So that brings us to now. How did I land back here....well that's for another time.
I hope whoever reads my blog finds something they can relate to or maybe it makes you smile. If you care to comment or ask a question feel free to I will answer questions. I'm "letting go" I'm not fearful anymore I'm living!
I decided to start this because I have been through alot in the last few months and almost want to just put it out there so that my thoughts won't keep me up at night and bore holes into my world like termites with a piece of wood.
So back story....
I grew up in Pennsylvania with a great family. The normal Mom and Dad who both worked to provide a home and good life. An older sister who I adore, and still do to this day. She's perfect, beautiful, smart and amazing.
Things changed when I was 17, parents divorced. My family changed, my Mom lost alot of her happiness. It was soon after my high school graduation that I moved out on my own. Well almost on my own there was a deadbeat boyfriend but what else is new. After some semi-wild years of trying to find myself, a few tattoos and some tears I took up my Mom on an offer to move to Virginia to "start over".
Virginia is where I made something out of myself. I found a better relationship with my Mom and I also had my son. The love of my life, I'll talk about my son in another post, but for now I'll say he's amazing.
So in VA I worked in healthcare as a technical assistant. Glorified nurses assistant. It wasn't until I was wheeling a critical patient to ICU with an Orthopedist where I found my calling. This patient was on my floor because he was post-op for an Incision and drainage of the ankle. We started the night off with him calling me "honey, sweetheart, and his wife". It didn't bother me, I just chalked it up to the Morphine drip. Hell I think I would be all lovey dovey too if I was on the stuff. Except I have zero tolerance for most meds soI never get to experience the heavy duty stuff out of fear of coma.
Any way, I was in his room around midnight for vitals. I popped in expecting to hear his pet names and there he was with no smart ass pet name. I walked over and said "hey, you forget about me". He responded with a "sweetstuff" and I finished my task and moved on. I did notice a little more blood on his dressing and his blood pressure was lower then earlier, so I told the nurse. Three hours later I had this nag like a kernel of popcorn in your tooth, to go check him. I walked in, no greeting this time and when I walked over and began talking he was all over the place "where am I, who are you, do I know you".
SHIT! I quickly took vitals and found exactly what I didn't want to see. His blood pressure was low and pulse was high. This is your body going to hell in a hand basket.This is the moment when you run for the nurse and pray he doesn't code. I ran to the nurse told her and she responded with "ok". She eventually came in reinforced his dressing and chalked up everything to the morphine. My response in my head " are you fucking kidding me?".
Here's the thing, there are really good nurses out there and then there are nurses that you just wonder how the hell they tie their shoes.
So I went back to his room, maybe I was tired and crazy. Nope he was disoriented that was for damn sure, oh and the dressing more blood. Again I went to his nurse told her again and still nothing.
I did something that I don't suggest I called the on call ortho and when he called back I gave it to the nurse.Yes, I put her on the spot and yes I went out of my "job description'". The ortho came to the floor not one of those " I 'll be there soon" no he seemed to drop out of the ceiling. I met him in the room, because obviously someone should stay with this man.
The ortho removed the dressing and was able to see a bleed in an artery and next we were loading him onto the elevator to go to ICU. I stayed with him for the ride down the elevator. The ortho asked me when his last meds were. " I don't know, I'm just the tech, I called because he wasn't responding and there was blood and he was acting different then earlier" I felt the need to confess everything.
He stared at me( and on a side note he was goodlooking so I wasn't sure what to do). He then smiled (ok he's not gonna scream) "you should be a nurse you just saved this patient".
Wow!
A few days later my patient came back up to the floor and as I walked in I heard "well there's my honey". I hugged him, I think I was more excited to see him.
So I applied and graduated from nursing school. This was also the year that I was pregnant with my son, yea I like complicated being pregnant and school it was fine, it made me determined to finish. But I don't suggest it. Second year with a newborn was rough but we got through.
So that brings us to now. How did I land back here....well that's for another time.
I hope whoever reads my blog finds something they can relate to or maybe it makes you smile. If you care to comment or ask a question feel free to I will answer questions. I'm "letting go" I'm not fearful anymore I'm living!
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