So June was ending in Northern Virginia and as I remember it was one degree colder then Hell so seeing that there was July and August to get through my excitement level wasn't too high.
I have to give a little back story. My Mom was the type of person nurses dread. Don't get me wrong I love her tremendously but when it came to taking care of herself, well she found other things to do. In 2005 she was told that she had a large hernia in her abdomen involving the upper portion of her stomach. In 2011 after about 6 weeks of pain and small to non-existent meals she finally wanted to do something about it. So we began our journey of fixing a large hernia.
It was the beginning of March a blood test came back with questionable results. The answer was given to us at the end of March- Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia- CLL for the cool kids. I remember sitting in the car with her outside the Oncologists' office. She was quiet, stone faced. I broke the silence with "you ok" WHAT the hell was I thinking, really as I said it I thought dumbass.
I will NEVER forget her response " why cancer, I'm a Grandmother". I looked at her choking back tears so I can be strong ( I cried later) "you can be mad or sad or scream you got a shitty deal but we'll keep up on getting tests done and we'll do it together it's not a death sentence". As I spoke those words I can see her relax. Her physician always told me it wasn't until I said it was ok till she believed it.
Funny thing about CLL that I found in my research. It's like the Marijuana of cancers meaning that it leads to other cancers just like weed leads to other drugs. So Mom and me had a plan we would take it a day at a time together.
Now she asked me to do something which I did but it's on my top three hardest things I have ever done. Call my sister and tell her Mom has cancer. Now I've said before I adore my sister and making this call was not the conversations we have. Infact we don't talk much on the phone, the occasional text message but never the call of "hey what's up". I chalk it up to she has a demanding job and personally I feel I'm a little boring at times. I'm a nurse and a Mom things that make me laugh are not so much for her . Anyway, I called explained it to her like a babbling idiot and hung up. I remember thinking what a terrible call. I felt it was cold of me. I also prayed to God please don't make me have to give any bad news. I hate to hurt people, especially the ones I love.
April was Surgery month and it left her with pain and still trouble eating. Mom was looking for the result- surgery is done and poof I feel great. Having never had a surgery she didn't realize that abdominal surgery is tough. I've gone through it three times, each time I cursed like a sailor over the pain. Not even pain it's like you did 100 sit-ups and it's the next day and you need to climb stairs all day. Those abdominal muscles are pretty important.
May- was my sister's 10 year wedding anniversary party. My brother-in-law is the perfect vision you can have for a husband. He's an asset to our family. There was a party planned in Philadelphia for the big event and I was going. My Mom being beautifully stubborn insisted on going with me. The drive was stressful for everyone involved, every bump caused pain, which in turn caused bickering between us. If you are familiar with PA you know we're not known for our roads by no means. We had a good time, Mom later told me she was in alot of pain. She didn't take her pain meds because they made her tired so she toughed it out. Hindsight is an odd thing; I'll get into that here shortly.
June - I touched on it a little one degree cooler then Hell. For Mom it was random tests to figure out why still the pain in her abdomen. There was also alot of time off because of pain. One small trip for me home to see my Dad , a vacation away from it all, but not completely away I called home to check on her until she told me she was fine and to knock it off.
July-July-July a month that held a holiday that I loved (the 4th), picnics, long car rides listening to good music- that's what was suppose to be my July.....it sure as hell wasn't even close
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